Independent or not Independent 

Dear All , 

I understand the Kilburn Labour Party are very upset that I am standing for election in Kilburn.

In fact they are doing intensive canvassing and leafleting according to a mate of mine calling me an independent candidate.This is not true I am "Standing (Up) for Kilburn" candidate  but the returning officer would not let me put that on my nomination forms.  

As everyone knows Politics is in the life- blood of everybody in Kilburn.In fact one of the main national political parties was founded by a Kilburnite and I have always secretly supported that party, albeit I was a member of the Labour Party from 1983 -2018 ( briefly leaving because of the Iraq war) .

In June 1982 this Kilburn man who was already a mega rockstar who had many hit records like "All Back and hairy" , "Monster in Black Tights"  or his sensitive love poem " I am a Hog for you"  decided to form a political party. This party went on to change the face of politics in the UK.He introduce new and exciting policies and became a national hero adored by millions ( and his mum) , but he never forgot his humble roots and beginnings in Kilburn.

This Kilburn legend came close to changing the country if not the world for good.He entered the political fray to ensure his type of  policies were implemented.Unfortunately he failed to get elected in the famous 1983  Bermondsey By - election. Albeit he manage to gather an astonishing 97 votes, alas he was pipped at the post by the winning Candidate by a meagre 17,000 votes .Of course he asked for a recount but the returning officer (a stooge for the powers that be) refused.It then became clear that he was a victim of voter fraud on a massive scale,the likes of which had never been seem in British politics.

He was not put off and stood in other 33 by-election gaining nearly 17000 votes .A reported once ask him why he believe he lost so many times .He said  his policy were popular  as he had accrued 17,000 votes in the 33 by-elections  .However he said" the trick was to move all those people into one constituency and  then he would win". Wise words indeed.

I am sure you now realise the Kilburn legend is Screaming Lord Sutch  who grew up in Charteris Road ,Kilburn just a few streets from St Julians Road where I was born .The Party of course is the Monster Raving Looney Party , which he co -founded.I have had a recent conversations with the Leader of the Monster Raving Looney party Alan "Howling Laud " Hope and we agreed we will have an accreditation meeting after I win the election on May 3th . Once my accreditation has been agreed , i intend to resign immediately   unless i am given a role in the provision Monster Raving Looney Party Government as the "Shadow Minister for Beer" as I believe I have all the right political attributes including the belly.

Now that its been explained to the Kilburn Labour party , I hope they will stop calling me an independent candidate and  bad mouthing me at the door and concentrate on what the  Labour Party will do for Kilburn around the lost of up a million pound worth of  Community Infrastructure Levy (CIL), or  the state of the pavements and potholes which they are silent about.

The Labour party should pay me the respect and call me The Stand (up) for Kilburn candidate sponsored by the Monster Raving Looney Party.

The Kilburn Labour has become the Nasty party , insensitive and remote from the residents of Kilburn.

Regards